The Spanner - 3

Ryan and Kong sat in the meeting room at 9am, waiting for Kip Gillette to arrive. Ryan sent the invitation as soon as the farcical session with Ramble had finished the day before. Kong had been reluctant, wanting to put his faith in further analysis to deliver some progress, but Ryan could see where this was going … and he’d heard the stories about Ramble.

Stan Ramble had worked with twelve different business analysts during his tenure on DDNPLFRR, and all twelve had resigned, citing Ramble as the cause.

And yet he remained.

The business no longer bothered with business analysts, leaving the requirement gathering and legwork to the project manager. Sevak was the fourth of these project managers. One of his predecessors had suffered a full-scale nervous breakdown, and was last seen dancing around the cafeteria dressed as a Smurf, complete with blue body-paint, singing la la la-la-la laa, la la-la la laa. As he was led away, he shouted to anyone who would listen, Stan Ramble is Gargamel! He’s evil! Apparently there was much nodding at these claims.

And yet he remained.

No, analysis wouldn’t get them far, Ryan was sure of that. Their remit was clear: understand DDNPLFRR, document it, and escalate any roadblocks. Ramble was like a dictionary definition of roadblock. Ryan didn’t see they had any choice.

Gillette appeared in the room at five minutes past the hour. Ryan and Kong both had their heads down reviewing the latest Harmony road map when Gillette said good morning and made them both jump in their seats.

The door to the room hadn’t opened, and there was no sound of his chair being rolled out from the table. He was lithe of frame, but not so slim that he shouldn’t have made some noise when he took a seat. One second they were waiting for him and the next he was just … there.

‘What’s this all about then?’ he said, ten percent of a smile holding his cheeks up.

‘Stan Ramble,’ Ryan said. ‘It’s about Stan Ramble.’

‘What about him?’

‘Well, he’s a … he poses a … that is to say, our remit with Harmony is …’

‘It’s okay,’ Gillette said. ‘You can say it. The man’s a walking train-wreck.’

‘He’s an incompetent fuckwit!’ Kong suddenly blurted out, and immediately reddened. ‘Sorry,’ he said in a much quieter voice. ‘Ryan usually does the talking.’

‘Yes,’ Gillette said, his expression unchanged. ‘Perhaps we should stick to that approach. ‘Look, I understand your concerns, I really do, but you have to appreciate the unique nature of DDNPLFRR. We didn’t create the system, we didn’t buy it in, we just inherited it. Along with the hardware and the tables and the code and the screens, we also inherited its problems.’

‘I understand,’ Ryan said. ‘But Ramble doesn’t have to be one of those problems.’

‘See, that’s where I disagree with you,’ Gillette said, leaning forward in his seat. ‘Stan Ramble, unpleasant though he might be, in the only person in the bank with even a loose grasp of how the system works. And he’s the only one who can talk to the development team.’

‘Why?’ Ryan said.

‘Because that’s the way it is. The developers are all sourced through a third party supplier in India, and the vendor contract states they can only interface with Stan Ramble.’

‘Who the hell negotiated that contract?’

‘Well, Ramble did. Obviously.’

Ryan felt a stabbing pressure inside his skull, right above his eyes, as if his brain had decided to try and get out while it could.

‘So let me see if I understand the situation correctly. DDNPLFRR is a rubbish system inherited during the Belgian acquisition, and there doesn’t appear to be any documentation on it. While Stan Ramble appears to be the only one in the bank with even a small amount of technical comprehension of the system, he doesn’t really know what makes it tick; and the only people who do seem to know how it works are a handful of outsourced developers in Bangalore who are contractually obligated to speak only to Ramble. Does that sum it up?’

‘Precisely,’ Gillette said, his smile still at ten percent.

Ryan felt like he was trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle, but every piece was the same. He let out a long breath.

‘This looks like it is a significant issue for Harmony.’

‘I agree,’ Gillette said. ‘You need to find a way to work around it.’

‘The most efficient way I can see around it is to remove Ramble from the picture.’

‘Can’t, there’s too much in-flight change happening. And he holds the relationship with the developers.’

‘Only because there’s no-one else,’ Ryan said, more to himself than to Gillette. An idea began to take shape, and he worked at it.

‘What you need to appreciate about DDNPLFRR,’ Gillette said, ‘Is that it has its own culture, its own dynamics. Working with the system involves putting a great deal of effort into relationships. You need to build a relationship with Ramble, make friends with him.’

‘I’d rather cut myself,’ Kong said.

‘I thought you weren’t talking,’ Gillette said. ‘Look, even I’ve managed to establish a functional working relationship with Stan, and I loathe the man.’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan said. ‘He’s frightened of you, and does whatever you tell him.’

‘Ridiculous,’ Gillette said, but his smile lifted to twelve percent.

‘OK, fine,’ Ryan said. ‘We’ll give Ramble another chance to cooperate. If he remains obstinate, then we’ll have to escalate the issue.’

‘Isn’t that what you're doing now?’

‘We’ll need to raise it to Clitheroe.’

Gillette’s smile dropped to eight or nine percent, but only for a second. He forced it back up to ten. ‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘Pass on my regards to the Clit. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a nine-fifteen.’

And int he blink of an eye he was gone, silently, his motion not even stirring the potted palm by the door.

‘He scares me,’ Kong said. ‘I don’t think he’s human.’

‘Come on,’ Ryan said. ‘Let’s go and see Ramble, give him his final chance to be helpful.’

‘Then will we really escalate to the Clit?’

‘Yep. We have to follow governance.’

‘And what will we tell him? Ramble’s being a big stupid meanie?’

‘I have a plan,’ Ryan said, folding up the papers. ‘Come on, I’ll tell you about it on the way.’